My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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