I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
