I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
