mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I touched a dick in church today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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