Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
