she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
