During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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