A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
