he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
