I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
