I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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