and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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