To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
