YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
