i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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