I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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