That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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