So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
