I am in a vortex of obligation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
