I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
