I hope mine doesn't look like that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
