Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
