I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
