If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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