It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Houston, we have a blender
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
