fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
