Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
