She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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