Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
