I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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