just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
