The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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