We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my being single is dangerous.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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