why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
