well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
