i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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