I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
