There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
