There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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