I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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