Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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