Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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