i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
