dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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