the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
