you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
