Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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