I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
