Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
