So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
