Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
