piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
