I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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