11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
