I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
