You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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